We are stealing your religion (Parody of We Are Building a Religio, by Comfort Eagle)n

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“This is a message from the people of Laodicea to all those fundamentalists out there.”

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We are stealing your religion,
We are making it bigger
We are adding on more gods and widening the way
We are writing our own scriptures.
In limited editions.
We are now accepting callers for these pendant key chains
To resist it is useless,
It is useless to resist it
Those pesky Ten Commandments, we just throw ‘em in the trash
Try eating some strudel
Buy it from these fine people
If you meet at our location then you’d better come with cash

So wear your hat sideways. It’s OK to have tattoos
We are in the music business. We are calling you “DUDE!”

Now listen to our praises sung by people named IceTray
and join us as we jump and scream and shout.
And the fluffy fine chairs that cushion your behind
are keeping you well rested for late services at noon.

We are handling the money. We’re serving the food
God knows about our parties. He is calling me “DUDE!”

Now, do you believe in big dollar signs?
And pretty coins that shine-God’ll give it all the time.
Doesn’t matter if it’s skinny. Even better if it’s fat.
Don’t forget to bring that wallet and your sideways-turned hat.

Keep your old time religion. It is so very bland
We’ll ignore that firm foundation ‘n build our houses right on sand
Take a bite of our apple, do we look like serpents?
Come to the altar in bundles—God’ll help pay your rents
Come sit and drink Pepsi. Come sit and drink Coke. (Coke)
Come sit and watch this movie clip of Sandler telling jokes.

I say now, don’t you believe bout Benny Hinn and that bong
God loves those cheerful givers don’t forget to bring your mom
I say, don’t listen those who say we’re over the edge
Just put your fingers in your ears and come on forward with your pledge

We are handling the money. We are serving the food.
We are now accepting callers. We are calling you “DUDE!”

Do you believe in big dollar signs;
and pretty coins that shine—God’ll give it all the time.
We’ll give you these directions—low on dough?—don’t lose your mind.
We’ll remind you. We’ll remind you.
Blab it, grab it—God’ll provide you
whatever hefty fine you
find yourself unable to repay.

We are stealing your religion…
We are making it bigger…
We are writing…………… our own scriptures…….
In limited edition
We are now accepting callers for these beautiful pendant key chains